I came to college, met new people.
Youngsters, and our affairs of the heart.
It was attraction, the excitement in getting to know someone new,
that I forgot that little piece of me
called
you.
---
With
you,
It's been 451 days.
You,
who was once a complete unnoticeable stranger
taught me that love comes unexpected.
Just a glance, yet it wasn't love at first sight.
I don't remember why
but you were there and so was I.
You,
who is perfect in everyone's eyes
made me see that you were just a boy.
Shy, vulnerable, with flaws of your own,
even taught me that love isn't about loving the loveable
but loving the little things that nobody else could notice.
You,
who said that dreams will come true if I don't give up.
I believed
you,
who left your country for your dreams.
You gave me the strength to chase mine,
so that next time I can stand worthily next to you.
This story about you engraved in my heart.
You were far away,
when the person you love posted that past photo of you and her.
She wished you luck & apologised that it ended this way,
and she was getting married.
It was the first time I cried,
not because you had a lover
but for you.
"How much it must have hurt to watch her go with someone else."
You taught me
that loving doesn't need meaningful returns
and even if you never look this way, I can feel happy as long as you feel it too.
There was another first time.
When I saw your photos as a child.
With a familiar smile, exactly
like the one that I love so much:
No pretences, sincere and true.
You hugged an older friend.
It was the first time then
that I proudly said
"He's still as gentle as he was before."
At the airport.
When I see you,
you are always alone.
It must be lonely at the top, right?
Even if you smile,
even if you say "no",
your eyes
show.
Once in this life,
if I get a chance,
I would sit next to you.
Like a friend,
I would be there for you.
To have felt such a rush when I talk about you,
to have smiled stupidly to myself when I see you smile,
to have loved when I see you loving what you do,
to have tirelessly stood all day just to see you,
to have scribbled your name in textbooks,
to the extent that my parents know your name.
People call me crazy,
and I might have been crazy before,
but it's not a feeling that everyone has gone through,
but I have because
there is you.
In my memory,
there will always be
the boy with the most beautiful smile
who dreamed of becoming president.
And the fortunate feeling
that he didn't.
Otherwise,
that smile that I love,
would it still be the same?
There are times,
I wonder who you were to me in my past life.
To have met you
now,
like this,
for you to give me so much,
for me to love you so much,
like this.
A feeling, a love
that cannot be put into words.
Many people would not understand
why in my youth
did I love you this much.
They may ask why you are worth
all my heart.
I will tell them, that
"fortitude" is not something that can be taught by anyone,
and you
gave me this precious thing.
My love,
to become someone worthy of you,
I have done all I can up till today.
To be better,
to be stronger.
To one day, be able to stand next to you
deservingly.
To tell you personally
how thankful I am to not have missed you in the midst of billions of people.
"Thank you" for your companionship
be it crying or laughing
over the past years.
We are growing up.
You,
who once said,
in 10 years,
"I want to get married."
And loving is not about meaningful returns.
You taught me.
The day you say your vows,
I will cry,
be it tears of joy or the other.
The place I dreamed of standing
will one day be taken by the person who loves you
as much or maybe
more than I do,
for me and for you.
You are,
in simple words
"a piece of me",
my life.
To you,
I am a "guardian angel".
Unworthy
of having me by your side.
Then in the next life,
you don't have to be the one to shine,
and I don't have to be the "guardian angel".
You would just be a boy,
and I would just be a girl,
and I will be able to get closer to you.
In the next lifetime,
I will still be loving you.
But that time,
instead,
let me be the one to give you courage.
But the next lifetime is still far away.
In this lifetime,
in 20, 30, 40 years to come,
the white-haired me will be flipping a yellowing diary
filled with photos of the black-haired you.
Then,
let me be the one to tell my grandchildren
that
"I used to love you that...that much..."
---
"This is merely written as a dedication to someone very special to me, who is my inspiration, my destination, my strength."